The Chaos Corner | April 10, 2026
Today, my youngest turns one.
I've been trying to find the words all week. Every time I sit down to write them, my chest just fills up and I end up staring at nothing, replaying a year I can barely believe actually happened. So I'm just going to start, and trust that the words will find their way.
We Weren't Quite "Trying" Yet
We had just started talking about it. Maybe once L turned one, we said. Maybe then we'd think about starting to try.
Within a week of that conversation, I knew. I just knew, the way your body whispers something before your brain catches up. I made myself wait for the test to confirm what I already felt in my bones.
When it did, I surprised my husband the only way that felt right: I put L in a little shirt that said Big Brother. My husband's face went through approximately seventeen emotions in three seconds. He was excited - genuinely, fully excited - but the "oh my goodness, are you serious?!" said everything. That's us. That's how we do things. Surprised by our own beautiful life, again and again.
The Year Before He Arrived
I wish I could tell you the pregnancy was smooth sailing. It was not.
A few months in, a water pipe burst in our house. What followed was mold, asbestos, and an insurance process that moved at a pace I can only describe as glacial while everything else was on fire. For over three months, we lived out of AirBnBs and hotels, moving every couple of weeks while our house was repaired. Two cats. A toddler who was learning to walk. Me, pregnant. My husband still going to work every day.
There were bouts of sickness that knocked us flat. There was a flea infestation in one of the places we stayed. There was the particular kind of exhaustion that only comes from not having a stable place to land.
We made it back into our house less than a week before Christmas - to a home with no functioning kitchen, no shower, no running water, no countertops. Just a microwave and the profound relief of being under our own roof. Thankfully, I had three or four more months before J was due.
I look back on that stretch and I honestly don't know how we got through it. Except that we did. We just kept going.
The Days Before He Came
J was due April 17th. But because he was measuring small we had a planned induction scheduled for April 10th.
My mother-in-law flew up from Arizona a couple days before. We got the last things ready around the house. We took L to the zoo and walked slowly, hopefully, willing his little brother to make an appearance. We soaked up those last days of L being an only child - really soaked them up, knowing that everything was about to change.
I had two days of start-and-stop contractions that had me second-guessing everything. We even went to the hospital the night before, convinced this was it — only for everything to slow down once they had me sit and be monitored. We went home. We rested. We counted down.
My doula - who had been part of my journey since L, suggested some things to help move things along during the day. When we finally arrived at the hospital, she also suggested I ask the doctor about breaking my water manually before jumping to medication. They did it around 9:30 PM, with something that looked unmistakably like a long crochet hook, and things started immediately.
J was born at 11:42 PM on April 10th, 2025.
5 lbs 11 oz. 17 inches long.
My husband was there. My mom was there. My mother-in-law was there. My doula was there, for the whole thing.
Both of my boys came into this world naturally, fast, and on their own terms. I hadn't planned on two unmedicated births. But both times, things moved so quickly that I didn't feel like I needed an epidural, and I didn't want to risk slowing things down or being locked into one position. A little nitrous oxide, and then something stronger for the stitches after. That was it.
L had arrived ten days early, by surprise. So I'd spent weeks assuming J might do the same - getting anxious every time I didn't go into labor, feeling like I was doing things wrong by having to wait, by having to plan. It was different. It was harder to sit in that uncertainty. But when both boys were ready, they were ready. Fast and fierce, just like their mama would hope.
A Little Bittersweet
I'll be honest: his birth held some bittersweetness too.
We had always imagined *hoped* for one of each. A boy and a girl. And when we found out we were having another son, there was a moment of quiet grief for the daughter we'd pictured. I held that gently. We both did.
And then J arrived, and that feeling dissolved into something I don't have a better word for than rightness. These are my boys. This is my family. (And honestly? The hand-me-downs alone have been a gift. If you know, you know - girl clothes are a trap.)
We didn't plan for such a small age gap. 18 months is... a lot when you're in the thick of it. But we're making the best of it. Even when it's hard - especially then.
What This Year Has Taught Me
Having two kids under two has cracked me open in ways I wasn't expecting.
I am someone who waits for help to be offered. I don't ask. It's just how I'm wired - I'd rather figure it out than impose. But this year? With two babies, with sleep regressions and sick days and my husband working nights and graveyards and me running on whatever sleep I could piece together? I've had to learn to ask. To actually say the words: I need help.
That's been its own kind of growth.
Being a stay-at-home mom is everything I ever wanted. I mean that without reservation. But the early years are hard in a way I wasn't fully prepared for. One baby felt like a lot. One baby and a toddler is a different category of challenge entirely. It's beautiful and relentless and funny and exhausting and so, so full.
And watching them together - watching L notice his brother, start to play with him, make him laugh - that's the thing that makes all of it make sense. I'm so excited to watch them grow. To see who they become. To watch them become friends.
My Whole Heart
This week has been deeply reflective for me. Today especially.
I keep thinking about my own mom - and running out of words. There are none big enough for what she means to me. Watching her be their Nana is one of the greatest joys of my life. They have two incredible grandmas, two incredible grandpas, two amazing aunties, a wonderful great-grandma, and a whole village of people who show up for them. That is not something I take for granted for even a second.
This little family is everything I ever wished for. My boys. My best friend. Our chaotic, beautiful, full-to-the-brim life.
J - happy first birthday, sweet boy. You came into this world at the end of a long, hard, beautiful fight, and you made everything brighter. You are so loved. You are so wanted. You are exactly who this family needed.
Your big brother is going to drive you absolutely crazy and be your very best friend, probably at the same time. Your mama is going to cheer for every single thing you do. And your daddy? He is your biggest fan.
One year. I can't believe it. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around again.
Chaotic Connections exists because of moments like these - the messy, beautiful, overwhelming reality of raising little ones. If you're in it too, you're not alone. The village is real, and you're in it.
— Micaela